


a good reason to complain

by Ixtilton



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Politics, Civil War, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Eurovision in Essos, Everyone Has Issues, Gen, Global Warming, Great bastards, Modern Westeros, Pre-Canon, Sibling Incest, Timeline What Timeline, ксюша собчак in asoiaf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 04:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13023699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ixtilton/pseuds/Ixtilton
Summary: Westeros, year 904 AC.35 years after the revolution that ended the last dynasty of Westerosi kings, and some after the military junta that followed, the seven kingdom's republic is said to be at last a democracy. Yet the world seems to be plunged into chaos as populism progresses in the free cities, liberty's bay is engulfed in civil war, the United dead Nation undergo massive social reforms and as the first free elections in Westeros seem to be compromised. Maybe it is time for an odd alliance between Westeros's old aristocratic families.Or: how Gwenys Rivers almost destroyed the world by accident.Warning: pure crack





	a good reason to complain

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure crack. Enjoy it, if you are able to.

**Prologue - Jimmy Freeze**

 

This day’s session was pure chaos.                                                                           

Actually, this was a first for Jimmy Freez, a newly elected deputy of the Green Citizens Movement, the new eco-centrist party, but who was gaining always more seats at the National Assembly. The legislatives were only a few weeks ago. The powerful comeback of Stand Up dead People, the far right had caused come serious difficulties to president Icecream. But still, Jimmy remembers with emotion the moment when they announced the results, and the big party he improvised with some childhood friends to celebrate his coming to power. Him! Deputy of the National Assembly of the United Dead Nations! And yet so young! His mother had cried when she had learned the news.

Freeze smirked and readjusted his tie. He flung a speck of dust from his immaculate snow suit. He glanced around him. Most of his neighbors were uncertain, not knowing which party to support. The left of the hemicycle burst into applause and shouts of support. But at the right, the Conservative Liberals and Stand Up Dead People where yelling, insults and whistling. Some deputies had stood up, were stomping their feet and waving an angry fist! Bobby Polar, standing at the rostrum, was addressing the hall. The President of the Assembly was desperately trying to bring order. Someone sent a shoe to the scribe. The situation was out of control

This morning the Assembly was debating over the President Icecream's new bill, regarding the ban of warging into human-body. The issue was particularly controversial as it came to question the very principles of the Walker’s society. Was it even possible to consider human corpses as people, worthy of a specific legal status ?

At least that was what Bobby Polar was defending, staring with cold mocking eyes at the rest of the hall.

"And yes, I say it, it is possible to go on without human slaves! The human change-skin is forbidden at our southern neighbours, the Free Living Nation’s Alliance, it has been for generations, and their economy does not seem to have suffered! On the contrary, a stricter framework has led to a regulation of magical practices, and a decrease of the criminality! In our case, it could allow the emergence of a middle class, thus boosting our economy. "

Someone yelled from the corner of the hall:

 “The living of the Alliance are fags!

\- That didn’t stop them from giving us a heavy thumping last year at the Frostfangs, replied a liberal.”

Freeze winced at this memory. These pesky Southerners had loaded their Panzers with dragonstone missiles, and brought them to the pass. His brother who was doing his military service had found himself under their fire. Yet he had escaped without a scratch, the legendary fortune of the Freeze. The same could not be said of the Animated Corpses for Military Purposes of his squad.

"... Many of us here are children of Craster, human children offered in sacrifice to the glory of the Republic! So tell me now, how would humans from the same origins than us be inferior to us? By what right could we submit them to our will like vulgar wild beasts?

\- Get him down !

\- Feed him to a Thenn !

\- Apologies, I demand an apology!

\- He has insulted the honour of the Union’s Republic, he has insulted our honour !

\- Come here if you’re an Other !

\- Come on, rights for human’s corpses ? And why not electoral rights also ?

\- Yeah, Why not ?

\- Go fuck a Thenn yourself.

\- Eat my dick while you’re at it

\- Quiet, silence, else I shall evacuate the hall !

\- Apologies, I demand apologies!

\- No one has insulted you moron !

\- The Liberals are traitors!

\- Stand up the Dead are faggots who shit in their own pants!

\- I have a question!

\- What about the ice floe ? Why don’t we talk about the ice floe anymore?

\- I propose that we vote a war against the Free Living Nation’s Alliance, in order to galvanise the patriotism of the Assembly !

\- Silence I said !

\- Well, it’s not any soon that we are going to save our economy!

\- There’s a question ! A question ! A question !

\- I'd just like to tell you this. Do you not think that this law, certainly based on a good principle, this law would not have the great disadvantage of establishing a certain hierarchy between species, I mean: why should we consider a human being as superior to a polar bear? "

This question triggered a wave of various reactions throughout the hall, all factions feeling outraged by this absurd idea, until a Stand Up the Dead deputy leaped on his table, shouting, "Stand Up the bears!"

But Jimmy was already fed up! Of course not, the question was settled! They weren’t going to assign rights to human bodies to the detriment of polar bears, it was absurd! He was eager for the meeting to end! It was to make real, concrete politics that he had committed himself, not to get bogged down in obscure ideological debates! They had a planet to save from global warming, and no time for stupid questions!

Finally, the President declared the meeting adjourned, and slowly, the deputies began to go down the tables and slowly exit. Freeze consulted his schedule. The afternoon meeting focused on the advancing melting of the pack ice. _Perfect_ , he thought. That was the purpose of his presence here. To preserve his people, to fight the absurdity of the world outside.

If only he had known how wrong he was.

 


End file.
